Hidden Treasures

The Bible is much more than a book of religion.

A MERRY HEART

 

A reader of this blog recently asked the question, “What is a merry heart?”  The dictionary defines merry as “exhibiting high spirits or lightness of heart.”  At Christmas time we wish one another a “Merry Christmas.” 

 

We’re all familiar with the truth of Proverbs 17:22, whether we’ve ever read the verse or not, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”  That is a true physical fact of life.

 

The world seeks to be merry by trying to forget about the burdens of life and the certainty of death by drowning such thoughts with constant music, entertainment, alcohol and drugs; anything to crowd out the serious thoughts of life and death.

 

The desperately sad truth is that a person without Christ Jesus lives a living death. a living hell.  Any merriment is strictly superficial.  Christ is the only source of life.  Those without Christ abide in death.  Read the short epistle of I John on this matter.  I John is a little book just before the last two books of the Bible, Jude and Revelation.

 

Those who receive Christ as Saviour, do not receive eternal life (God’s life) when we die. We receive it the moment we are born again by the Spirit of God.  The Christian has eternal life the moment He puts his trust in Christ as his Saviour.   When we die, we simply slip from our bodies and continue to live forever with Christ. The departure from our bodies is only temporary.  I Corinthians 15 tells of how when Christ returns for us, we will be joined to our bodies once again, but the difference is, they will be glorified, perfect, sinless bodies in which we will enjoy Christ and one another for eternity.

 

The following jokes may give you a laugh, but they will not give you a merry heart.  Only God can do that and He gives His gift of a merry heart to anyone who will turn from his sins to Christ, who died on a cross and rose from the dead three days later to pay the penalty for our sins and give us the gift of eternal life. 

 

If you are tired of superficiality, or trying to “put on a happy face”, I invite you to trust Christ right now.  He will give you a “joy unspeakable and full of glory”. I Peter 1:8

 

Though becoming a Christian is a life and death decision,  and though living for Christ is a serious matter,  No Christian has any business going through life with a miserable scowl and a miserable, pessimistic, depressed  attitude about life.  We, of all people, have the joy of the Lord bubbling up from the depths of our being, even in times of sorrow. If you do not have a  joyful heart; I invite you to admit you are a lost, sinner, helpless to change your life.  Invite Jesus to be your Saviour and Lord this day.

 

The following are some clean jokes that have been shared with me.  I share them with you with the hopes they will brighten your day. 

July 12, 2011 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on A MERRY HEART

Fainting and Dying

Do you know the difference between fainting & dying ?        When you die you kick the bucket, but when you faint, you only turn a little pail.

July 11, 2011 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Fainting and Dying

This ought to make grandpas feel warm and fuzzy!

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa’s room ….
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”
“What?” said her Grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog – because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney Land !”
 

 

June 25, 2011 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on This ought to make grandpas feel warm and fuzzy!

Susan from Pittsburgh

The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Pittsburgh. A few days after the election the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her Father and says, ‘So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?’ ‘

I don’t think so. It’s an 8 hour drive.” ‘

Don’t worry about it Dad, I’ll send Air Force One. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.’ ‘

I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?’

Oh Dad,” replies Susan, ‘I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in Washington ..’

 ‘Honey,’ Dad complains, ‘you know I can’t eat those rich foods you eat.’

The President-to-be responds, ‘Don’t worry Dad. The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington , I’ll ensure your meals are salt free. You and mom just have to be there.’

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan is being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sits the new president’s Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, ‘You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States .’ The Senator whispers back, ‘You bet I do.’

Dad says proudly, “Her brother played football for the Steelers.”

July 30, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Susan from Pittsburgh

Tough Teacher

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher; but just before the school year started he injured his back.  
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart-alecky punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.
…..Dead silence… He had no trouble with discipline that year.

July 10, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Tough Teacher

When a Woman Speaks

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her 40th birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie – the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.” The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.


July 7, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on When a Woman Speaks

Adam’s Rib

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’
Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

June 8, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Adam’s Rib

The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage

At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.  

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Well, I’va tried to treat her nicea,  spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!   Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’

Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go pick her up.”

June 2, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage

Die sleeping

“I want to die quietly and peacefully like my grandfather, asleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.”

May 17, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Die sleeping

Why Go to Church?

Why Go to Church?

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, “I’m not going.” 
“Why not?” she asked.  
I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “(1), they don’t like me, and (2), I don’t like them.”  
His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: 
(1) You’re 49 years old, and (2) you’re the pastor!”
                        
  
 

 
Goat for Dinner The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner.  While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. 
“Goat,” the little boy replied. 
“Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?” 
“Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Dad say to Mom, ‘Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.’ “

.


  
 
 
 

May 8, 2010 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Why Go to Church?

Making Great Time!

A pilot came on the loud speaker of a plane and said,  “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we have lost all instrumentation  and don’t know where we are. The good news is that we have a tail wind and are making great time.  So  relax, think positively and enjoy your flight.”

 

February 20, 2009 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Making Great Time!

No Peer Pressure

Reporters interviewed a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?’ the reporter asked.

She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

August 12, 2008 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on No Peer Pressure

Little Boy in a Wedding

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”

January 15, 2008 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Little Boy in a Wedding

The Old Geezer

.While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.


When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.


By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man..
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the  entire return drive. The more he chided her — the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.


To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”

December 1, 2007 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on The Old Geezer

The “Tom Boy”

A lady  was reminiscing of her teen years as a “Tom Boy”.  She loved to play foot ball with the boys. 

One day her observing mother called her aside and said,  “Honey, you’ve got to stop playing foot ball with the boys. 

When she wide-eyed asked “Why?”  her mother replied, “because the boys are tackling you when you don’t even have the ball.”

November 2, 2007 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on The “Tom Boy”

A proper time to speak

A man was working in his garage. He was the kind of person who did not like to be interrupted while working on a project.

Knowing this, his wife walked into the garage and stood quietly at his side for several minutes waiting for the proper time to speak.

At last her husband looked up, the signal that she was free to say what was on her mind. Very calmly without a trace of panic, she said,  “The house is on fire.”

August 5, 2007 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on A proper time to speak

I’m the Boss!

 

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.

The next day, he brought a small sign that read:

“I’m the Boss!”

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

“Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

February 28, 2007 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on I’m the Boss!

Late to Work

Rick was in his early fifties, retired and starting a second career.However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.  Every day he was five, ten, and sometimes fifteen minutes late.  But he was an outstanding worker, real sharp and loved his new job. 

So the “Boss” was in a big quandary about how to deal with it.  Finally, one day he called him into his office for a talk. “Rick, I have to tell you, I really like your work ethic and you do a bang-up job, but you being late so often is quite bothersome.” 

“Yes, I know, Boss, and I am really working on it.” 

“Well good, you’re a fine team player. That’s what I like to hear.It’s odd though about you coming in late.  I know you’re retired from the Navy.  What did they say if you came in late there?” 

They  said,  “Good morning, Admiral!” 

December 21, 2006 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Late to Work

Goodbye, Mom!


A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

He answered, “That’s okay.”

“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout … and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mother.” The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he
went to pay for his groceries.

“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.

“WHAT? I only bought 5 items..”

The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d pa y for her
things, too.”

December 20, 2006 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Goodbye, Mom!

Responsibility

“The principal thinks I’m very responsible,” said the boy to his Dad. “Every time something goes wrong at school, he thinks I’m responsible.”

December 19, 2006 Posted by | A Merry Heart | Comments Off on Responsibility