Hidden Treasures

The Bible is much more than a book of religion.

Virtuous Woman #9: The Law of Kindness

As we continue to study the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, we learn in verse 26 that whenever she opens her mouth to her husband, or children or to anyone else,  the law or principle of kindness controls everything she says and the tone in which she says it.   There is not a hint of harshness or rudeness. There is not a hint of judgmental spirit or superiority.


No matter what her situation, she is controlled by the Holy Spirit and consistently speaks quietly and with kindness.


If your response is, “No one can be that perfect”,  you’re right.  None of us are perfect.  We all offend at times, James 3:2 tells us.  That’s why we need a Saviour,  That’s why Jesus died and rose again to save us and forgive us when we sin against Him and others.


Though we are imperfect, our desire as Christians should be to never offend with our tongue and to always be controlled by the Spirit when we speak to others.  The Fruit of the Spirit includes gentleness and kindness. Galatians 5:14-16.


In this article I want to deal with three needs in our lives.

1. The need for spiritual wisdom when we speak.

2. The need for instilling the laws and principles of God’s Word in our children.

3. The need to always speak with kindness.




Christian parents need to be so saturated in the Word of God that whenever we open our mouths to give instruction, advice, direction or correction, it is always from a biblical perspective.  Why?


Because in God’s Word alone is found wisdom. Proverbs 2:1-6  James 1:5  Wisdom does not come with college degrees, nor from the study of psychology.  It does not come from radio or TV talk shows, nor from parenting books and magazines.  Wisdom only comes from the Bible.


The reason we do not go to the Bible is because we think we know it all and have all the answers.   The world’s answers seem to our carnal minds to be more reasonable, more intelligent and more loving than what the Bible says. 


Christian mothers and dads need to know each of their children as individuals; each with different strengths, weaknesses, capabilities with physical and mental limitations.  Never compare one child with another.  That is cruel and serves no positive purpose.


Parents need to know how best to motivate each child to reach his or her potential. They  need wisdom to set boundaries for their children and be firm about it.


The modern philosophy of child rearing is that we show love and kindness to our young children by  allowing them to make their own decisions about  what they eat, what they watch on television; and as they grow older, where they go and when they come home at night.  Surely it is a wise goal to encourage our children to think for themselves and learn to live with their decisions.  We do that by allowing our small children to make decisions on small inconsequential matters.  Then as they mature, we give them increasing freedom to make more important decisions and to learn to live with the consequences of those decisions.


In the meantime, we parents are responsible for our minor children and their actions.  If we allow our children to run in a china or antique shop, we must be prepared to pay for any damage they cause.   If they spray graffiti on buildings, it is our responsibility to pay for the damages.  If our children are arrested for harming others or doing property damage, we should allow them to feel the full weight of the punishment.  It’s a false kindness that bails them out and teaches them that one can do wrong and get away with it.


Why should we restrain our child by saying NO to him and enforcing it when moral issues are at stake? Because it is a sin for us to ignore that responsibility.  The Priest Eli did, as recorded in I Samuel 3, and he ended up rejected as a priest and losing his family.   I Timothy 3 teaches that a pastor, elder or deacon must set the example by seeing to it that their children are under control; otherwise they are disqualified for their office.


God chose to bless Abraham and make him a blessing to the world because, as it is recorded in Genesis 18:18-19,  He knew He could trust him to lead his children to follow the Lord.  Certainly his son Isaac is a wonderful example of one who was  submissive to his father and to God.


The secret of training children is to start while they are young and there is hope. Proverbs 19:18 says, “Chasten thy son while there is hope and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”  That’s showing firm, loving, consistent discipline.  I deal with this at greater length in my series on the FAMILY on this web site.  Not only do we need spiritual wisdom when we speak, but




We need to teach them Bible doctrine and principles of right and wrong from the Bible. When do we start?   Isaiah 28:9-10 and Deuteronomy 6:4-9 teach that we should start from early childhood, even from infancy.  We teach them God’s Word from our hearts to their hearts in every appropriate situation. Bedtime, playtime, after being punished for doing wrong, when taking walks.   If we are walking with God, we will be aware of those teachable moments in the lives of our children.  Mothers probably have the most impact on their children simply because they are with them 24 / 7. It is essential that Moms and Dads be together on principles of child rearing.  Those principles should have been discussed together at length during their courtship.




CONCERN “I don’t want to teach him what I believe is right and wrong. I want him to decide for himself.”   

ANSWER  It is the responsibility of parents to teach children what the Bible says about right and wrong.


CONCERN  “I think teaching law is too negative. I only teach grace.”

ANSWER   You need to teach your children right from wrong.  You will have many opportunities to show grace to your children, but not by withholding punishment when they have done wrong.


CONCERN  “I don’t want to squelch their individuality and their creativity.”

ANSWER  You need not squelch their individuality or creativity.  Rather, their individuality and creativity is enhanced by knowing God’s standards of right and wrong.


If we fail to teach our children right from wrong, they are doomed for failure and eventually  a life of heartache.


If we don’t want to tell our child what to do, it probably stems from the fact that we don’t want anyone telling us what to do.  That attitude is highly contagious. We must first deal with the rebellion in our heart before we can deal with it in our children. If there is anything that children despise in their parents, teachers and pastor, it is hypocrisy.


Willing obedience from the heart must be enforced from early childhood with these expectations:


You will cheerfully obey when you are told the first time.


You will not lie. To lie about your disobedience doubles the pain.


You will not fight your brothers, unless it is parent-sanctioned wrestling


You will not cheat.


You will not shout in defiance and anger when you don’t get your own way.


You will not pout about it.


You will be still in church and not disturb others from hearing God’s Word.


Perhaps you are thinking, but I want my children to grow up in an atmosphere of love and freedom.  That brings us to the final point.





Yes, parents must always be filled with love for their children and speak kindly to them. They must also understand that God’s Law is loving and kind because it protects from evil and from painful consequences.


It is not cruel and unkind to refuse to allow your small children to play with electric sockets or with sharp knives. To be firm about this is kind and loving.


It is not cruel to forbid your young child to ride his bicycle on a busy street.


There’s a cold, cruel harsh world outside the door of your home waiting to force your children into submission.  You do not show love to your children by refusing to teach them obedience and a submissive spirit.   Such a child is not really loved by his parents. According to  Proverbs 13:23,  23:13-14,  Hebrews 12:5-7 and  Romans 1:31.


Be firm with your children, but in your firmness, ask God to control your spirit, your voice and your actions by the law or principle of kindness in every situation. That, in summary, is a virtuous woman and a virtuous man.


None of us parents were wise, wonderful parents when we were young.  As we grew older, we regret the way we handled some situations.  However, young parents can learn from the mistakes of older parents.  It’s much wiser to learn from other’s mistakes than the hard way from your own mistakes.


Go to God’s Word for wisdom to raise your children. Test every child rearing idea by the Word of God. Ask God for wisdom for He has promised to give it to you.  You have only one chance to be good parents.  The most important child rearing years are from birth to about 5 years old.  By that time 90% of your training is done.  If you miss those first five years, it grows increasingly more difficult to make up for that loss.  Remember your parenting will have lasting consequences for generations to come.



May 16, 2007 - Posted by | Virtuous Woman

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