Hidden Treasures

The Bible is much more than a book of religion.

Marriage series #9 The Difference

We discussed the three kinds of love in our first article entitled Romance in this Marriage series. Erotic love says, “I love you because you are so sexy.” Phileo love says, “I love you because you are so lovable.” Agape love says, “I love you because you are my wife and I vowed to love you and be faithful to you for the rest of our lives. Agape love is that totally, unselfish, unconditional love of God that Christians can experience and show to one another through the indwelling Holy Spirit. When agape love is foundational, eros and phileo love are not far behind.

Don’t be governed by your emotions.
A woman, because of the way God made her, is more governed by her emotions and feelings than a man. Although a husband can and ought to be emotional with his wife, he cannot allow himself to be governed by his emotions. He must show love to his wife whether he feels like it or not because God commands him to love his wife. Ephesians 5:25 The happy consequence of obeying this command is that God rewards him with tender loving feelings for his wife and he awakens a loving response in her.

Husband, if you love yourself, you are going to love your wife with unselfish, agape love. Ephesians 5:28 Wife, if you love yourself and want the warmth and intimacy of your husband, you are going to gladly submit yourself to him.

Understand this difference.
Men and women are so completely different. A wife never tires of hearing her husband say, “I love you.” She loves to be romanced by her husband. She loves to have her husband value her and consider her feelings in the decisions he makes. She appreciates knowing that she is important in her husband’s life.

A husband also appreciates the “I love you’s” from his wife; but far more meaningful to a husband are all those efforts a wife makes to please, honor and reverence him. Ephesians 5:33 Look at the qualities of a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:10-31. Note she is other-centered rather than self-centered. She makes her husband look good before others. She prepares food that he likes. She wears clothing and wears her hair to please her husband. She can be trusted with the family finances. What’s interesting about this chapter is that there is not a word said about love or romance. It doesn’t mean that love and romance are not important, for they are; but love and devotion to her husband are shown in all she does for him.

Just as Jesus is more honored when we please him by the way we live than when we sing, “Oh, how I love Jesus”; so a husband is more honored and satisfied with his wife’s efforts to please him, than with her telling him continually how much she loves him. For us to sing of our love for Jesus when we ignore His commands is as meaningless as for a disobedient shrew of a wife to whisper sweet nothings in her husband’s ear.

Husbands, the responsibility for your home rests primarily with you.

The husband is the band of protecting, providing, caring love that holds the home together. Happy is the Christian husband and wife who work together in loving harmony to build their home.


March 22, 2006 - Posted by | Marriage Series

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