A MERRY HEART
A reader of this blog recently asked the question, “What is a merry heart?” The dictionary defines merry as “exhibiting high spirits or lightness of heart.” At Christmas time we wish one another a “Merry Christmas.”
We’re all familiar with the truth of Proverbs 17:22, whether we’ve ever read the verse or not, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” That is a true physical fact of life.
The world seeks to be merry by trying to forget about the burdens of life and the certainty of death by drowning such thoughts with constant music, entertainment, alcohol and drugs; anything to crowd out the serious thoughts of life and death.
The desperately sad truth is that a person without Christ Jesus lives a living death. a living hell. Any merriment is strictly superficial. Christ is the only source of life. Those without Christ abide in death. Read the short epistle of I John on this matter. I John is a little book just before the last two books of the Bible, Jude and Revelation.
Those who receive Christ as Saviour, do not receive eternal life (God’s life) when we die. We receive it the moment we are born again by the Spirit of God. The Christian has eternal life the moment He puts his trust in Christ as his Saviour. When we die, we simply slip from our bodies and continue to live forever with Christ. The departure from our bodies is only temporary. I Corinthians 15 tells of how when Christ returns for us, we will be joined to our bodies once again, but the difference is, they will be glorified, perfect, sinless bodies in which we will enjoy Christ and one another for eternity.
The following jokes may give you a laugh, but they will not give you a merry heart. Only God can do that and He gives His gift of a merry heart to anyone who will turn from his sins to Christ, who died on a cross and rose from the dead three days later to pay the penalty for our sins and give us the gift of eternal life.
If you are tired of superficiality, or trying to put on a happy face, I invite you to trust Christ right now. He will give you a “joy unspeakable and full of glory”. I Peter 1:8
Though becoming a Christian is a life and death decision, and though living for Christ is a serious matter, No Christian has any business going through life with a miserable scowl and a miserable, pessimistic, depressed attitude about life. We, of all people, have the joy of the Lord bubbling up from the depths of our being, even in times of sorrow. if you do not have a joyful heart; I invite you to admit you are a lost, sinner, helpless to change your life. Invite Jesus to be your Saviour and Lord this day.
The following are some clean jokes that have been shared with me. I share them with you with the hopes they will brighten your day.
Making Great Time!
A pilot came on the loud speaker of a plane and said, “I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we have lost all instrumentation and don’t know where we are. The good news is that we have a tail wind and are making great time. So relax, think positively and enjoy your flight.”
No Peer Pressure
Reporters interviewed a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
Little Boy in a Wedding
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”
The Old Geezer
.While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man..
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her — the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”
The “Tom Boy”
A lady was reminiscing of her teen years as a “Tom Boy”. She loved to play foot ball with the boys.
One day her observing mother called her aside and said, “Honey, you’ve got to stop playing foot ball with the boys.
When she wide-eyed asked “Why?” her mother replied, “because the boys are tackling you when you don’t even have the ball.”
A proper time to speak
A man was working in his garage. He was the kind of person who did not like to be interrupted while working on a project.
Knowing this, his wife walked into the garage and stood quietly at his side for several minutes waiting for the proper time to speak.
At last her husband looked up, the signal that she was free to say what was on her mind. Very calmly without a trace of panic, she said, “The house is on fire.”
I’m the Boss!
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
The next day, he brought a small sign that read:
“I’m the Boss!”
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
“Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”
Late to Work
Rick was in his early fifties, retired and starting a second career.However, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was five, ten, and sometimes fifteen minutes late. But he was an outstanding worker, real sharp and loved his new job.
So the “Boss” was in a big quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into his office for a talk. “Rick, I have to tell you, I really like your work ethic and you do a bang-up job, but you being late so often is quite bothersome.”
“Yes, I know, Boss, and I am really working on it.”
“Well good, you’re a fine team player. That’s what I like to hear.It’s odd though about you coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?”
They said, “Good morning, Admiral!”
Goodbye, Mom!
A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”
He answered, “That’s okay.”
“I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out “Good bye, Mom” as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”
She then went through the checkout … and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mother.” The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he
went to pay for his groceries.
“That comes to $121.85,” said the clerk.
“WHAT? I only bought 5 items..”
The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d pa y for her
things, too.”
Responsibility
“The principal thinks I’m very responsible,” said the boy to his Dad. “Every time something goes wrong at school, he thinks I’m responsible.”
His final message
While a pastor was visiting one of his church members in the hospital, suddenly the sick man became very agitated. Unable to speak, he scribbled a short note and handed it to his pastor who stuffed it in his pocket and had prayer with him. A few moments later the man passed away.
Several days later while he was preaching his funeral, he remembered the unread note in his pocket and thought it might have an appropriate final message from the deceased man to share with the people. In the middle of his message, he took a moment to pull it from his pocket and read it.
The dying man had written, “Get off my oxygen tube!”
The Blind Lady Managed to Cross the Street.
My wife was recently talking with her high school girl friend in Pittsburgh, Pa. who shared the following poignant, but humorous story about her aged mother. At the time of this story her mother was in her eighties and almost blind with glaucoma. She lived in Coraopolis, a town about a ninety minute drive by city bus west of Pittsburgh.
One day she took the bus to a funeral home in Kenmawr, a suburb half way between Coraopolis and Pittsburgh. After paying her respects to a departed friend, she attempted to stop by and pray in a church directly across the street. For a moment she considered crossing the busy street, but then decided it was too dangerous. So what did she do?
She caught the next bus into Pittsburgh and drove to the end of the line. When the driver asked her where she wanted to go, she replied she would just stay on the bus and return to Kenmawr where an hour later she arrived at the church to pray. As she was slowly leaving the bus, the driver probed for an explanation of this round about trip. She explained how she had been too fearful to cross the busy street and so decided to make the round trip.
The kind driver assured her, “If this ever happens again, I will stop my bus and personally help you cross the street.
The Little Boy Wasn’t Getting Good Marks
The little boy wasn’t getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to scare you, but my daddy says, if I don’t get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!”
State of the art hearing aid
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000, but it is state of the art!”
“Really” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
The man answered, “Twelve-thirty.”
On A Flight From Seattle
On a flight from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the
plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. My buddy had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the man was blind because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"
The blind guy replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet stand still when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
A Senior Citizen Was Driving
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway. His car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard the news on the radio and there is a car going down the wrong way on Interstate 5. Please be careful."
"It's not just one car.," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
A Man Stormed Into The House
A man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife answered, "The funeral director."
An Honest Man Was Being Tailgated
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the honest thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hit the roof and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to go through the intersection with him.
While she was still ranting, she heard a tap on her window and looked into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed and placed in a cell.
A couple of hours later a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do?" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."
Why Kindergarten Teachers Get Grey Hair
A Kindergarten teacher had worked up quite a sweat by the time she'd helped one of her students pull on his boots. When she was finished, she almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
He was right, and it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off. But the teacher managed to get the boots off and back on again.
Then the little boy announced, "These aren't my boots."
"Why didn't you say so?" the teacher asked, her patience growing thin. Again she struggled to pull off the boots.
This time, she was greeted with, "They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear them."
By then, the teacher didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but struggled for the third time to get the ill-fitting boots back on.
Finally finished, the teacher asked the boy, "Now, where did you put your mittens?"
He answered, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots."
